It's Not Easy Being Green

Why is it that when you truly believe something, there is a spark ignited in you that makes you want to protect it at all costs when someone tries to put it out? Why is it that what we choose to believe is so often swayed by other opinions? Why is it so hard to know what we deeply believe to be true and the reasons behind this?

I asked myself these questions last night after a confrontation with a good friend had me enraged like a parent who has just found out their child wasn't treated fairly and so worked up that I drove like a crazy aggressive teenager in an 80's race car film. I wanted to scream, kick, and cry all at the same time.

What should have been a random fact in passing to add to general group knowledge burst into a teasing and stomping session of pride and prejudice. Without thinking, I burst out with a "Did you know that the days after 9/11 the sky was the clearest it's been because of the lack of air travel?" Now, what seemed to me just an interesting fact that I had learned from a book I've been reading, became the fuel that my good but incredibly opinionated friend jumped on. All I wanted to say was that I thought that it was neat that it was so clear and bright in such a bustling city and that I hadn't realized that airplane traffic could cause so much air congestion; we always blame it on car pollution. It was not an environmental statement. It was definitely not a political statement. I know better, and I never talk about politics anyway.

No, I just was trying to add something to the pause in conversation. And I paid dearly. Before I knew it, I was being asked if I had heard that from Al Gore, an Inconvenient Truth, and if it was the same in Alaska or mountains where there was no air travel. Frustrated, I tried to explain myself but to no avail. I tried to explain that all I was saying was that just above New York the sky was clearer. I tried to explain that it wasn't a liberal message I was just reverberating from a subliminal message post. No, it was scientific fact I said. I read it in a different book. I paused as I tried to decide if I should divulge this information. Trying to make light of it and move on while I was fired up inside, I decided to inform them that I had read it in a book called "It's Easy Being Green". This really got some smirks and not so cute remarks about whether it was written by Kermit the Frog and if the Iceland volcano was caused by us as well.

Sigh. This is when I clammed up. I was so mad I wanted to slap both of them and yell profusely, but I held it in. I turned around to check my phone and stuffed my anger inside. Frustrated, humiliated, and entirely and completely hurt, I just stood there, looking away and trying my hardest to let it go. All night I couldn't though. Because more than anything, I felt disrespected. I know they didn't mean to hurt me. I know they thought they were just teasing. But when someone you care about, a friend, believes in something strongly, you listen to them. Even if you don't agree, you hear them out. Then you can constructively give your opposing opinion, but you never make fun of them and not give them a chance to defend their belief. You never shrug it off and push your own opinion as fact. That's incredibly rude, self-serving, and prideful, not to mention most of all, unloving. It hurt excruciatingly to have a dear friend I care very much for and actually tried to help find a job this week, ruthlessly toss my words aside as child play.

I have a temper and am also pretty sensitive, so it's an atomic combination when you get the two at once. I was a firecracker ready to explode, but fortunately I walked off to cool down inside and let it go as best I could. I brought it up later in the evening and had a brief discussion with him about it, mostly because I knew I had overreacted but believe in healthy confrontation and not letting things boil. It helped mostly.

What I learned though most of all, was that I need to work on being less reactive and instead be proactive in my beliefs. I have never been one to express myself well with spoken words, but I believe that sometimes you must be able to speak up and explain why you believe something you are passionate about. I am incredibly passionate about environmental conservationism and sustainability. I have never written down exactly why, but that is what I hope to do this week. Hopefully I will then be able to explain my side rationally, lovingly, and without overreacting to criticism. Beliefs are very emotional for me, for most people really, but I must be able to use logic, wisdom, and rationale to come to my own conclusion. I don't demand agreement; I just wish to be heard and most of all respected.